Packing has given me time to reasses my projected being. Usually I have a tendancy to look ahead and to try to create the person that I want to be. However, as the boxes become more selective and I find myself having to part with things that I am tender towards I find myself considering the things that I used to be and am no longer. The first thing that I had to get rid of was my climbing equipment. I realized that for many years I have defined myself as a climber, and for many years it was true. But for the last two years I have been toting the shoes and harness around as a symbol of what I thought that I was.
I am not.
A little harder is to finally admit that I am no longer a fire spinner. For so many years that was central to my personality. It was not just a cloak that I dropped over myself but it was the way that a large majority of my inner community knew me. It is hard to admit that girl is gone. But it is true. The girl who could not wait to light up, and climbed three times a week, is like another person to me. Looking ahead is exciting, but along the way to the future many of the goodbyes are bittersweet.