Something Old, Something New

Today I did something I have never done before. I submitted queries to literary agents. It all sounds so professional and, honestly, I am not sure if it was a completely absurd thing to do. Maybe my writing is crap these days. When I write something that might be good I second guess my self. Maybe I am too sleep deprived to know the difference between good and bad these days. Maybe my brain has stewed too long in alternative facts and late night sessions of candy crush breastfeeding.

But it doesn’t matter if it is absurd. It doesn’t matter if the book I am currently pitching is atrocious. What matters is that for the first time in my life I am submitting to agents. I am going down this road and jumping in with as much courage as I can muster. Because even if writing is hard right now and it is not the ideal time to be creative, it IS an opportunity to jump into a profession that many people don’t get the opportunity to try.

Two years of paid leave. Of course it is not holing up in a shack on a beach somewhere with nothing but a notebook. That would be ideal. There are interruptions. There is exhaustion. There is the fact that I have not had an hour of alone time in over a month… there’s all of that. But, then there is this little glimmer of hope. There is the fact that I am financially solvent for the next two years. Yes, I have a lot on my plate with two kids, but I don’t have a 9-5. That is something. And it is something that I have to take advantage of.

So I queried a few agents. I love saying that. I love thinking about my emails, sitting in their inboxes, waiting to be opened. I wonder how many emails are ahead of mine. Is mine already buried in a cascade of other hopefuls- just as proud and scared as I am? I wonder how much of my package they will read. I imagine them coming in from lunch, going back to their computer and saying, “Let’s see, let’s see… at least she follows instructions.”

Maybe they will get through the letter. Maybe they will get through the synopsis. But I am holding out for them to get through the first ten pages and want more. I am waiting for that email saying, “We’re interested!” What are the chances? 1 in 20,000? Something like that. But, hey, 1 in 20,000 is better than none in none, so I’ll take it.

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