Pregnancy hormones are a strange thing. They set me on edge. Set my skin on fire and make me crawl inside. I often feel like I am boiling, on the edge of an explosion. I feel exhausted. I feel excited.
This time around it is different. Stronger. Worse? Perhaps.
This time around I have an insane desire to nest. Clean. Organize.
This time around I have major pregnancy brain. An inability to concentrate. An inability to look at the sun.
Nikola thinks that pregnancy hormones are some kind of cultural placebo- that we all think that we should have cravings and feel a little crazy, so we make it up in our minds. Perhaps he is right, a little. But then, I am 100% certain that he has never felt a similar rush of foreign chemicals running through his body.
This time around, I cry at the drop of a pin. He looks over at me as if I am absurd. Sometimes he smiles a bit, but mostly there is a look of disbelief, as if I am making this up. But no, I am not.
Some examples of things that have brought me to tears this time around? Sure.
- Country music. Oh god- country music. It doesn’t really matter the topic. The whining of it pretty much can set me off within 30 seconds.
- The Waltons. We are slowly working our way through the first season and I think that I well up at least twice each episode.
- Pokemon. Also watching the first season, and yep, it totally makes me cry.
- Nikola getting me the perfect meal at the store. I didn’t know what I wanted to eat the other day and I saw Nikola had grabbed cheesy bread with cream cheese and tomatoes. I was so grateful that I cried.
- Not knowing what I want to eat. Yep, that one sets me off at least twice a week. I get incredibly hungry and nothing sounds good.
- Peatuk doing something sweet, usually with Nikola. And damn, that kidlet is ADORABLE these days.
- Being tired. If I get too exhausted, I will start crying for no reason. Usually while walking.
- Internet memes and short videos. 9gag usually ends in tears for me.
You’ll notice a trend with the majority of my tears. They come from things that make me happy or satisfied or emotional. For some reason, stress and disappointment do not make me cry. Instead, they make me unusually short-tempered and angry. Like, a bad period but 100X worse. (And when you are thinking about a bad period, think about a woman with PMDD.)
Because the crying comes from mostly positive things, it ends up feeling quite good. It is cleansing and cathartic. It is as if it is the only way that I can give a release to these swirling, crazy emotions bubbling inside of me. So sometimes I seek out little things that will make me cry. I sometimes what would happen if I didn’t cry at least twice a day. Would I explode? Pass out? It certainly feels that way.
Because pregnancy hormones really are no joke. They are very real and very intense.