Fall

I am starting to think that I might enjoy fall if it wasn’t twinged with the foreboding of winter. Also, if it didn’t feel like it had the right to rush in so suddenly and cut off summer in the middle of … existing. The weather the past few days has been unusually enticing for me. It has cooled down just enough to turn the heater on for a couple of hours each day. It takes two or three hours just to heat up the core of the unit, and then we turn it off and broil as we wait another four or five hours for the thing to cool back down. I love that heater though. I know how cozy it becomes during winter and so I can’t be upset that it doesn’t quite fulfill the demanding desires of climate-controlled humans during the precarious swings of autumn. Then sun rises later and sets earlier, already slicing off hours of daylight, but the change in the path of the sun means that we get patterns of leaves dancing lightly on our faces to wake us up in the morning. Besides, I am not much for going out these days. I have become quite a hermit. For the most part I stay in our room, or the kitchen. Occasionally I venture as far as the yard when Pavlina makes me. But I feel neither bored nor lonely. I have an endless supply of projects at the moment: the novel that I am working on, the guitar always wants new songs, learning CSS and html for our new babybook website, knitting, drawing. It seems that I never have quite enough time, and if I ever do get bored I simply have to wander into the kitchen and there is supper to be made or something that could stand to be canned. I could take my bike into town and go to a yoga class, but having the opportunity to curl up under the flannel sheets, with the weight of ur duvet over the top of me, always seems like a better idea. When I do go out it is usually just cool enough for a light jacket and I take one of the knitted wraps Jez left with me. It hangs quite perfectly for strolling or sitting in a cafe and drinking tea.  I tend to feel quite old and alive in it. There are nuts to be peeled and shelled and when I sit outside under the old walnut tree it smells of earthy decay and I am quite happy. If this was all that life was- writing, cooking, loving, and snuggling- I would probably stay quite happy. Unfortunately worry always finds a way to creep in. I know that winter is coming with its slick, icy sidewalks and ever-cold days. Days that last about four hours and long nights. It makes me panic a bit. But I think that I am slowly learning how to deal with it. Last winter I discovered the joy of body suits and leggings. My world opened after that. Plus I have my never ending coat. Maybe I am learning how to deal with it.
For now I will just try to love fall.

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