Real Life Friends

Since moving to Istanbul the whole friendship thing has been a little rough. I have had patches of this, off and on, for my entire life. When you are a kid making friends is easy because you have school and are assigned projects together, or you play on the same sports teams. Unless you are the military kid who is whisked in and out of classes every six months to move to a new school, town, or state. Then it is harder. Then you have college, and making friends is easy because you are all away from home for the first time and NEED friends, plus you all live in the same dorm. Then you are suddenly out in the real world and that safety net of friendship is taken away. Unless you work at a summer camp. Then it is like permanent college, with friends floating through… the same for a conservation corps. In Peace Corps you are assigned friends. Locals, fellow pcvs etc. Then suddenly you are 29 and wondering how to make new friends. You could go back to hashing, but you know the drinking isn’t good for you. Everyone at the university is younger, surrounded by their own friends, and not married. Your husband is supposed to be your best friend, not your only friend. <sigh> Friendship is a tricky thing. How do you make time and invest energy into these new people? You can barely get your runs in, let alone your school work and other obligations. Is friendship an obligation?

I miss:

The parties that I hated. (And I hated them all) I miss the messiness of them, and I missed the shared guilt of them. I miss the card games and bottles of wine. I miss the support that my friends gave me in going to IBTs or Colors.

Going on play-dates. Museums, shows, concerts, frisbee in the park and a bit of steal the bacon.

Deep intellectual conversations. Books, movies, theories and such.

Trying to build a community. Orphan’s christmas, sunday night supper.

People that really knew me.

Talking with one of my best friends I have to wonder… is this something that we all lose as we get older? Or is it something that my nomadic lifestyle has forced me to abandon? 

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