Married Life

They say that things change when you get married, but they don’t really say how. Too often the depiction of marriage centers on the cold feet of the wedding day. I will admit, that standing in a foot of snow my toes were a little icy, but I cannot relate to that gulping fear of commitment that represents my generation. In the days immediately following the wedding I remember thinking that the wedding didn’t really change much. It was great to be with our friends and families, and it was great to see their support, but from the perch of an egoist I didn’t really NEED the validation of the state, the church, or even my community, to give my relationship the permission to continue for eternity. In my heart Nikola and I have been “married” since we told each other that we would stay together through everything, forever. Laying in bed, wrapped up in the heat of fading fall there was an honesty that I thought could not be topped. The wedding was a treat and a formality. It was a time to share our decision with the world, but I didn’t expect it to effect me like it did. (does).

First of all, I was overwhelmed by the love and support given to us by our friends and family. At times it was a bit stressful to be the center of attention, and to meet so many new people while trying to give attention to loved ones from different realms of my life, but it was completely worth it. Even though we didn’t need the PERMISSION for our love, it is comforting to know that the support is there. From the generosity of our friends and family in making the wedding happen and the gifts we received to start our new life together, to the absolutely wonderful wishes that were given to us on the day of the wedding, I could not be happier. It gives me such warmth and confidence in my choice to stay in Bulgaria and start a family here. Knowing that if we have children they will grow up among such warm and caring people is absolutely priceless.

Secondly, things did change between Nikola and I. It is difficult to express the exact nature of the change, and it was completely unexpected. In fact, it didn’t happen the minute that we exchanged vows, or said “I do.” (Well, “Da”) It came later, slowly, like a fire on a cold night, just sparks and hints at first and now quite enough to stay warm by. There has been a change in the way I release into his embrace. A change in his kisses. A change in my heart. I have never allowed myself to love this deeply, this completely, and this passionately. I was terrified of this depth, without ever admitting the fear. Now there is no fear, just an absolutely wonderful relaxation in the security of our relationship. It is indescribable.

So, the first thing most people ask me these days is, “How’s married life?”

Well, it is no different from our previous life together, except it is, completely, and I love it.

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