Stress takes its toll:

I remember completing a questionnaire about life-stressors that I have faced sometime during my early college years. The idea was to recognize that stress can be positive or negative, that its effects are cumulative, and to give us healthy coping habits. I remember some of the items on the list being: move to a new location, get a new house, change professions, go back to school etc. As my twenties have progressed I have found it quite unbelievable that I am even alive, let alone (for the most part) happy in my life as I have these (what they consider major stressors) at least every two years. In fact, my most stable, least stressful time has been the peace corps, because I knew that I would be staying there for two and a half years, and all of my basic needs were handled for me. Now I am thrown back into the exciting world of dealing with bureaucracy without an advocate, searching for apartments, and learning a new city without a support network (although, I do have 1 wonderful pillar of support hanging out with me).  Reading the posts from the other volunteers in my group it is obvious that they are going through the same thing back in the states- finding homes, finding cars, finding loves, reuniting with friends. Ending peace corps is just as stressful as that first move from the protection the parental home.

I am overwhelmed with Istanbul. I noticed this last night when I had stress dreams- the ones that you can’t even remember but the emotion of it sticks with you. I woke up babbling nonsense to the boy, and with a strange, firm new feeling stuck in me. I HOPE that it is just a stress dream. I don’t want those feelings.

So, yeah, it is stressful. My life has been nothing but a run through as much stress as I can locate since age 17. However, I am happy, and I am surviving and the world is beautiful out here on the edge. 

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