I keep coming back to this struggle. Again.
And again…
And, now, once more.
Nikola and I are moving into our new apartment (still- we have been both lazy and waiting to make the purchase of some of our appliances). Every few days we load up our car, like this:
While Nikola is loading things I write down what got packed to make an inventory of the things we own. I know, it is a bit obsessive and not at all necessary. Nikola thinks I am weird, but I feel like knowing what is filling all of the space in our apartment will help us make purchasing decisions. For instance, we both have more than enough cycling gear. We reuse the same pieces and the unused ones gather dust. But not only do we not get rid of them, we can’t help ourselves from buying more. After awhile it gets ridiculous. Clothing and electronics are also rather bad. I got rid of two large bags of clothing I never wear (yes, that whole pregnancy thing) but still have a closet stuffed with clothes I am not even sure if I like. Electronics… well:
| collapsable keyboard |
1 |
| portable speakers |
1 |
| palm pilot |
1 |
| nike + |
1 |
| mp3 player |
1 |
| phone screenguards |
3 |
| phone stand |
3 |
| US plug adaptors |
2 |
| mac brick |
1 |
| mac brick adaptor |
3 |
| palm pilot power cable and computer adaptor |
1 |
| broken acer tablet |
1 |
| acer power adaptor |
1 |
| mac remote control |
1 |
| ex. hard drive |
1 |
|
|
| extra android battery |
1 |
| lazer pointer stylus |
1 |
That was just my stuff, and only the things I don’t use. Why do I still have a palm pilot from ten years ago that I no longer use? Why am I thinking of getting another tablet when I already have a computer and a smart phone? It seems excessive and all it does is clutter my life. I KNOW that I am happiest living in the woods with a notebook and pen and a soft place to cuddle. Yet I can’t seem to help myself. Of course, things aren’t so simple now. I have my life, mixed in with the life of a very clutter-happy husband, and a son who has a surprising amount of stuff for only being on this planet for two months.
I am not sure if this will be yet another exercise in frustration or if it will actually help me to understand my habits and begin living the lifestyle I think I want. (I think I want it, because if I was sure I wanted it I would be taking more concrete steps towards achieving it.) Besides writing down everything and figuring how it will fit in what seemed like a large 1-bedroom apartment and now seems tiny I have began daydreaming about the home we want to build. Will we have an office? An office and a writing space? An office and a writing space and a space for the kids to do their homework? My dream home, that I have always loved for being small, smart, and sustainable just got monstrous. I am definitely rethinking my priorities and trying to find a way to get back to who I was, and who I feel I am, which is not a commercial, materialistic person.
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