43 Things

I have an account on 43 Things. It was the bucket list before the bucket list became popular. I look at the list maybe once a year, just to remind myself of things that I want to do. This time I signed in and looked at the list and realized that not only was I no longer working towards any of the things on the list, but I don’t think I really care about them. Here is my undone list:

1. Get my BA
2. Perform at an open mic night
3. Learn to partner dance
4. Keep a garden
5. Participate in a roda
6. Complete an aquathon or mini-triathlon
7. Give boza an honest try
8. Learn to play gaida
9. Bungee jumping
10. Complete a through hike
11. Contact staff and cartwheel
12. Work in wilderness therapy
13. Flash a v2
14. Write a book of short stories
15. Know at least two little things that make 5 different people happy
16. Do a solo
17. Scream at the ocean
18. Choreograph an awesome fire show
19. Go check out hutches
20.  Live a minimalist lifestyle

Hmmm- perhaps it was good that I just typed them out, because I realized I actually do care about some of them, or at least the sentiment behind some of them. I am happy to say I am close to completing the first. It only took me 12 years, but I finally will be receiving a worthless piece of paper stating that I can follow through on four years of higher education this winter! That makes me happy. Other than that… some of these have to do with interests I had when I lived in the states. I no longer spin fire, and I am not overly interested in dance these days, so contact and choreographing are pretty much out. Solos have been replaced with thoughts of traveling Europe with my family. Through hikes have been replaced with through-cycling. Overall I think I have changed a lot.

However, what is unsettling is that the past two years have been so chaotic that I am happy to be in Bulgaria, settling down, having a kid… and I don’t really want anything beyond that right now. I am not overly filled with whisps and dreams (okay, I wouldn’t say no to a summer in Barcelona). THAT frightens me. I am content right now. I remember the disgust on my best friend’s face when she told me that I seemed content oh so many years ago. I wondered then, and I wonder again right now- is being content such a bad thing? Do we always need to be striving for the next, the bigger, the better? For something that is outside of our lives? Or can we maybe just live… breathe in the moment? Is that such a bad thing?